


TO FIGHT WITH FIRE YOU NEED FIRE

by Wthcew



Series: TIM AND FIRE [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Cheating, Dark, Dark Jason Todd, Hurt, Hurt Tim Drake, Multiverse, Multiverse Jason Tood, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tim Drake leave, Tim Drake-centric, Torture, Tortured Tim Drake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wthcew/pseuds/Wthcew
Summary: And it’d simply been the last straw. Because Tim found himself on the floor hugging his knees to his chest and tears roled down his pale face, leaving wet lines while he sobbed and felt totally pathetic and sick from everything and everyone he ever knew.
Series: TIM AND FIRE [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756879
Comments: 44
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

Tim sat in his house in Gotham and felt like he was fading away from any happiness he once had in his life.

He still could hear Damian's voice saying that it was his fault.  
Still could hear Bruce's saying in disappointed voice that he should have been better than getting hurt.  
Still could see the texts that were deleted after five minutes he watched them.

And to think that tomorrow is his birthday.  
He never felt more bad in his life.

Maybe tomorrow will better. Maybe it's all a dream.  
Maybe they didn't forgot his birthday, and he didn't got shot, and he didn't got _cheteed_.  
Maybe it's all just a bad dream.

So Tim just closed his eyes and let himself fade away to the darkness that sleep brought.

But apparently it wasn't just a dream because you can't fall asleep in dreams.

And when he woke up he felt horrible.   
Hurt everywhere.  
And he couldn't go to the Titans tower and he couldn't ho to the manor or the cave so instead he stayed in his bed and felt like the world is ending.

And after watching the white walls for what felt like hours but actually were couple of minutes his phone rang.  
It was Dick.  
' _maby he wants to tell me happy birthday_ '  
But it was too much optimistic.

"Hey little brother!" Dick's cheerful voice said  
"Hey.."  
"You coming today to the manor, right?"  
"I didn't thought you planned something" Tim said and his voice took a little happy turn.  
"Well of course I planned something, it's a special day!" Dick laughed a bit and Tim felt happy because he doesn't remember the last time that he celebrated his birthday, or the last time that someone said it was a _special_ day.

" _ **Jason**_ didn't killed in half a year!" And just like that, it all came crashing down.  
Dick didn't planned anything for his birthday and it's not his special day. It's Jason's because he didn't killed in half a year.  
"Oh."

"Yeah, Alfred also backing a cake..." and Dick start to talk and talk while Tim felt even worst if that was impossible.

"-y you there?"  
"Hmm? Oh yeah" Dick laughed with that and when it died he asked: "So you coming tonight?" and Tim had to bite his lip so he won't laugh "No sorry, I made plans with umm.." he couldn't say the name he always said but Dick seemed to understand because he yelled: "Tell Conner I'm saying hey!" and Tim murmured "okay" and the call end.

And it’d simply been the last straw. Because Tim found himself on the floor hugging his knees to his chest and tears roled down his pale face, leaving wet lines while he sobbed and felt totally pathetic and sick from everything and everyone he ever knew.

Okay, that's it. He need to leave. He needed to do it _yesterday_.  
Or after Bruce came back and everyone just pretend everything was fine. They still pretending everything is fine.  
And he need to go.

The paperwork about WE has always been ready for Bruce to be the CEO again, just a few signatures and everything is ready.

And he need a new car, so if someone will looking for him - _what won't happen_ \- they won't find him.  
And a new phone and a new computer. And nobody can know where Red Robin is so he will need to be someone else.

And just like that he have a plan.


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe it was stupid but Tim wanted to say goodbye to the only one that he really trust, Alfred.   
So he went to the manor.   
_Bad decision_.

Alfred weren't there. And so was anyone else except of-  
“Why are you here, Drake? Don’t you have any shame? You are no longer accepted here.”  
- _The demon brat_. Damian.

So Tim just needed to breath in deep and just and do his best ignoring the demon brat.

"I'm here for Alfred but he isn't here so I'll leave him a message" Tim actually wanted to say goodbye to Alfred face to face but now leaving a message sounds more logical.

"Tt, as if anyone will want to read thay stupid message. Just leave you are not welcome here."

Tim just ignored him while he wrote a letter to Alfred that says goodbye and thanks for everything.

And Damian still tryed to make Tim angry but he just said the things that Tim already knew.

And after that, even though Tim didn't wanted he still went to WE that day, but just to close some matters and sign the paperwork he prepared long ago.

He wrote to all the bats a ' _fuck you_ ' latter that says they won't see him again, and of course, fuck them.

He also send Cassie and Conner a latter that says that he was very happy to see that they're together even though Tim and Kon **_dated_** at the time.

And he bought a new phone and computer, and for now he will use public transport.

When he got back to his house he took a suitcase and put in his toothbrush, his hairbrush, his antibiotics, his cloths, his camera, coffee ( _of fucking course_ ), his favourite coffee mug ( _one with an owl-unicorn on it and under that It says: **I don't care, I'm what I want**_ ), all his savings and his Red Robin suite.  
Everything else he will buy.

He bought from WE a fly tickets to three places and he actually going to take a train to where he wants to go. 

And he still doesn't know where it will be. 

And then because of his obsession to the _amazing_ series Supernatural he thought that maybe he will also live in motels in towns with his cases, that way he also won't need to find himself a new name. He could still be Red Robin, and he will always be on a move.  
' _Yes, that's the best plan_.'

But that means he will need a car. He will buy one when he won't be in Gotham. 

And he could fix or improve electric things in where he is so he will have money.

And he closed his suitcase. Everything was settled, the paperwork was done, he had money, he had his things, he will still be Red Robin.

He breathes in with some kind of relief.

And just when he was at the door, he remembered something important.

He went to the kitchen and open the knifes drawer, under the plastic there were a shoebox, and inside were something that he just couldn't leave behind.

His father's **gun**. The one that didn't protect his father and also the one that Tim put right above his ear couple of months ago and almost killed himself.

He put the box in his suitcase and then left.

He didn't even bothered to lock the place.

Before the afternoon he was already on the train to his new case and his _new life_.

This evening in the manor, Alfred didn't found the latter from Tim because a certain Damian decided it wasn't important so he _throw it away_.

So Alfred waited for Tim to come so he could tell him happy birthday and they can all eat the cake together.

"Master Timothy is late" he said and looked at Dick, and the man just shrugged "He said he have plans with Conner"

"What dose it matters if the replacement here or not?" Jason asked looking up from the book in his hands.  
"Because it's master Timothy's birthday"  
And everyone stops and looked at him.

"No way, it's next week, right?" Was Dick respond but,  
"I'm afraid you wrong Master Richard." 

well he could just call and say 'happy birthday Timmy' and buy a gift, it's also not so bad to spend your birthday with your boyfriend, _right?_ Conner and Tim will be fine toghder.

But that exactly when everything went to _fucking hell_. Because Dick got a call and in the other side of the line were a really panicked Conner Kent.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt... happy..  
> What a strange feeling. He didn't felt like that in a long time.  
> So free and happy.  
> A smile creeped to his face and he let himself fell relx and happy.

Jason didn't stayed long enough to hear the conversation with the clone.

He felt kind of bad because he never tried to actually get along with his replacement, or say sorry about the fact that he tried to kill him. _More than once_.

But he did opened an eye on the teen, and even though he doesn't show it, he likes Tim.  
And he have respect to the teen.  
And after he heard him tells Ra's that next time he sends ninjas after him to send pizza with them and they'll watch something on Netflix together he decided that Tim is probably his favourite bat ( _sorry big wing_ )

So yes he didn't knew how old his replacement is, and he didn't knew it was his birthday but that doesn't mean he don't care, _right?_

And Jason was the first one to find his 'fuck you' latter, and honestly, he would have laugh if it wasn't for him from Tim.

The latter has only four words but they had something in them that made him watch them without the power to look away.

**_Fuck you,_ **

Well of course that will be there, it was after all a fuck you latter.

**_Hood._ **

Not only that it wasn't his name it wasn't even his all code name. And from some reason it really hurt him.

**_-Replacment_ **

It wasn't Tim or Timothy or even Drake. It was a stupid nickname that meant what Jason used to think about the teen. A nickname that Jason couldn't stop use.

**_Fuck you Hood._ **  
**_-Replacment_ **

It made him feel sick.

And somehow he managed to tear his eyes away from the latter. He needs to do something but it's really quite night. Like it's always is when he doesn't need it to be.

Back at the manor Dick feels like he's going to explode from anger.

"You _cheated_ on Tim?" He asked for the millionth time, still can't believe it. Tim loves Conner, everyone can see that.

The sparks of love that flying in his eyes when someone talk about Conner with him.  
The smile with the so much love that only Conner can get out of Tim.

But does Conner loves Tim? Dick thought so but he can't remember any of love signs from Conner through Tim.

And actually, that broke him a bit. Tim always loves with all his heart and somehow it always makes him get hurt.

At least Dick didn't hurt him.  
Tim understand that Dick had to take robin away from him, for Damian's sake. _Right?_

"Yes" Conner's voice was full with regret and Dick wonders if that regret about hurting Tim or about getting coughed.

Bruce was looking for where Tim could have gone.  
And he finds three flight tickets to three very distant places from Gotham.

All this time Damian was really quite. _Too much quite_. But right when Dick turned to ask him what he did ( _because it's Tim and Damian_ ) Damian was gone.

The second one to find the 'fuck you' latter was Dick. It was just ' _fuck you_ ' without anything else. And after Jason gave him his latter Dick felt angry that he got only two words, without his name or code name.

And then it was Damian, and he got seven words, so Dick felt more angry.

_Fuck you demon._  
_Go back to hell._

And that actually made Bruce angry at Tim even though Jason always call Damian demon and tells him to go back to hell.  
For some reason it was fine if it was from _Jason_ but it wasn't from _Tim_.

And then Bruce got his 'fuck you' latter.  
But he didn't opened it. Not in front of the others at least.  
Dick wanted to know why, and what was written there. But of course Bruce would hide the latter.

And in a bus, somewhere pretty distant from Gotham sat Tim Drake.  
Wearing a hoodie that hides his face and pair of black jeans. His suitcase was near his left leg and he has a headphones in his ears, listing to a pretty loud song, he was pretty _happy_ in his current state.  
He felt... _happy_..  
What a strange feeling. He didn't felt like that in a long time.  
So _free_ and _happy_.  
A smile creeped to his face and he let himself feel _relx_ and _happy_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short but I'm planning something longer (and horrible)🙂


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the worst part? He couldn't remember how he got them. Or when.
> 
> What the hell happened to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's suicidal thoughts here and suicide attempt, and torture. read on your own responsibility.

* * *

  
**10 months ago:**

* * *

Tim saw six of them.

Of course he knew he could take them by himself but he was slightly sick. ("Shut up Kon, it's just a cold")

So he called for back up. From the bats.  
Nightwing said that they will come so he waited.

10 minutes.

...

25 minutes.

...

45 minutes.

The gang started with the drug deal.  
He couldn't wait anymore so he started without them.

And then everything went to fucking hell.

It was just a simple mistake, he let someone go away, he didn't saw the guy, he was sure they were only six but then they were seven. And the guy that went away hurt robin.

It was really just a scratch and robin broke the guy's hand. But of course batman will be mad at Tim.

"Red robin why didn't you paid more attention?"  
Because he was fighting the others. He did called the bats for help with this gang but they came only when he already stopped them.

And he couldn't even say he was fighting because:  
"You are not needed Drake."

And the fact that nightwing nodded was even worse.

"For once I agree with the demon, replacement" and that was expected, because nobody wants Tim but it still hurt.  
So he just push that away.

"I'll do better"   
' _I promise I'll be better. I'll give you intel. I'll give you reports. I'll be quite. I understand you don't want me. I get it. You don't even have to say it. I'll do better than my best._ ' but he kept silence as they went away.

And from some reason they gave _Damian_ praise about taking the gang down. Like he didn't just stopped one and actually took all of them down.

So It was a bad patrol.

And a bad night. Or a bad day. Or a bad week. Or maybe it was month. Or couple of months.

Tim wasn't sure. But it was bad. So _fucking_ bad.

So he screwed up, but everyone screwed up.

Tim just looked and smiled. Smile full in _pain_. But he can't say anything because it will hurt everyone's else happiness.  
And if they happy it good.  
It doesn't matter if he's sad. Or if he's in pain. It doesn't matter as long as the others happy.

But apparently he can't screwe up.  
He isn't _allowed_ to.

And he felt like he couldn't breathe. It just hurt him much they love each other but they don't have love for him. But he understood, he didn't had love for himself so it all good.

Except it _wasn't_.

So he went to his house and locked the door. And the windows. And turned off the lights. And his phone.

He don't want to talk now.  
He don't want someone to stop him.  
And he couldn't stop the tears.

But he already wanted to do it. He almost did it so many times before. But he always was needed for _missions_.  
So when Damian said that he wasn't needed it was blessings and hurting at the same time.  
And the others basically agreed.

And so he went to the kitchen and opened the knifes drawer.  
He pulled the plastic there up and there it was. What he looked for.   
A shoebox. and inside were his father's gun.

He looked at it and let his mind run.

' _You are not needed Drake.'_ Damian's voice said in his head.

He held the gun.   
' _For once I agree with the demon, replacement_ '

The gun fits perfectly in his hand.

' _You_ '

Safety off.

' _Are_ '

He put the gun above his ear.

' _Not_ '

He closed his eyes. A few tears roled down his face.

' _Needed_ '

His finger on the trigger.

He was ready to do it.

But there was a scream (and only later he realised that someone shouted " **No!** ") before someone took the gun and hugged him. 

He felt the hands against him trembling. And he was shaking.

And he looked up at the person who hugged him. 

_**Kon**_.

Kon was there for some reason. And he hugged Tim so tightly it was uncomfortable but at the same time it was so comfortable.

There were talking, he knew Kon is saying something but his head felt so numb and light that he couldn't hear what Kon says.

Tim was still shaking when he could finally see through the blur from his tears.

Kon still hugged him but he stopped talking. All he did now was to hug Tim and Tim didn't complained. He buried his face in Kon's chest while Kon buried his face in Tim's hair.

Tim really wasn't sure what happened later, or if something even happened, all he knew is that he woke up in his bed, the curtains were finally shifted so that the sunlight poured into the room and on Tim's form. And for the first time in a long time, he smiled from the light.

Tim got out of the bed and stretched out his hands, he didn't knew how much he slept but it felt like full eight hours.

He went to the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth. His whole body wasn't hurting so that was a good day. He didn't had one in so many time.

The hot water made him even more relaxed and he was somehow happy. Like he didn't tried to kill himself last night. He didn't knew what he even thought, he is important, maybe not by his 'family' but to Kon he is and right now it was everything he needs. Just Kon.

He smiled to himself while he put his favourite t-shirt and some jeans.

He smiled even more when he saw Kon in the kitchen, with two mugs of coffee, and Kon smiled back.

After they drank the coffee in quite, Tim still felt a little bit sleepy ("No Tim, you can't have another cup").  
Kon started to talk, Tim expected to a lecture but Kon had other plans...

"Tim, listen, I know you in a bad place because you in Gotham and because of this idiots bats and this hell kid and that actually why I was here last night, because I wants you to leave this fucking city and live in the tower."

"I know it's not easy but you had a gun - _a fucking gun Tim!_ \- because of this idiots, they don't deserves you, they don't even know how amazing you really are or how many time you helped them. Without _nothing_ in return."

"And I want you to be safe and happy and feel like you are enough, which you are, god you even more than enough!, and here you don't feel like it and I'll broke nightwing's nose if any of them will make too uncomfortable again"

"And I want you to come to the tower, because I care about you and I love you. I really do. I don't know how to explain it because it maybe sound strange, because you're my best friend, but I love you _more_ than that and I..."

He stopped talking because Tim's mouth was on his. And Tim kiss him.

_Tim._

_Kiss._

_Him._

Kon melt into the kiss and just hugged Tim close to him.

And when this sweet kiss ended and the: "I love you too Kon" and another kiss started.

* * *

  
**6 months ago:**

* * *

Tim wasn't in the manor for almost 4 months and they didn't exactly said something about that.

They didn't Invited him for family gathering. So that why he was surprised when nightwing invited him to go with to join him on a case.

And that's why Kon dropped Tim in his house in Gotham.   
Tim kissed him to goodbye and Kon flow away.

He didn't return the kiss or said 'goodbye' he just rushed out of there.

But that's fine. It happen a lot and Tim know it means to take step back and give Kon space. It's not like Kon hated him suddenly, right? Right. He told him that he loves him. And Tim loves him back.

So right now, Tim walked in his house.

He still has the gun but he doesn't think to use it now. Not when he's happy.  
And God he is happy. But he don't know if it means he's not sad, because he is.

_Can you be happy and sad at the same time?_

Doesn't matter. Right now he wants to be happy so he is.

He put his computer on the island and put some music in his phone so he won't be in complete silence.

And somehow it helped him that the gun was still under the plastic in the knifes drawer.

After drinking couple cups of coffee he took a shower. 

After he got dressed he got a message.

But the screen was blurie.

And he felt like the air was shaking around him.

And the smell.. he knew what it waa but his brain just didn't want to work.

And he panicked. Because shit that's not good. **_Bloody Fucking Hell_**.

And he was _out_.

* * *

  
**5 months ago:**

* * *

He was shaking so bad.

The darkness surrounding him.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't think.

He couldn't cry.

And everything hurt. So fucking hurt.

' **make it stop. Please make it stop!** ' he wanted to scream it but he couldn't even _whisper_ it.

His tongue felt like plumbum and he couldn't open his mouth. His tooth are shaking but he knows his mouth doesn't move.

He wants to let go but he knows they will come for him because Kon loves him and he came for a mission so they will look for him.

 _But maybe it's too much optimistic_.

* * *

  
**4 months ago:**

* * *

Tim was shaking.

He wanted to scream because his head felt like it was seconds from blowing up.

His heart raced in his chest.

He could hardly breathe.

His blood itched and burned.

' **make it stop**!'

The electric arms closed on his head.

And he screamed when his brain felt like he was fucking burning.

And it stopped again.

He was shaking.

' **They will come** '

He can't breathe.

' **Kon is looking for me.** '

The electric arms closed on his head again.

' **They need me for the mission.** '

He screams again.

' **Kon loves me.** '

And it stops again.  
Only to began again.

At the end his shaking so fucking bad. He is lying on the cold floor and trying to breath.

' **Kon will come. He loves me.** '

And he is crying.

* * *

  
**3 months ago:**

* * *

The air stands still and Tim praying there won't be another hit.

But of course there is.

There always more.

His eyes closed and he just wanted it to stop.

' **Please. Please just make it stop. I _beg_ you. Just please please!**'

But it _never_ stops.

And another hit came.  
And another.  
And another.  
None stop.

And he knew that the bats don't care but what about kon? _He doesn't love him?_

* * *

  
**2 months ago:**

* * *

It was so _hot_ that it felt like _ice_.

And he screams so hard.

He can't breathe because it's so _hurt_.

And the flame thrower forming _shape_ on his back.

_Fucking shape!_

And he can't stop scream.

His head felt like it was seconds from blowing up.

And he tries to go away from the flames but he can't move.

And he screams. And **_please make it stop!_**

But it doesn't stop.  
Not even after he went limp and pass.  
And he could still feel it.

He knows the bats doesn't care.  
Actually they may be _mad_ at him because:  
1\. He didn't helped with the mission.  
And:  
2\. He didn't died. Well not _yet_.

And _Kon_....

Kon _doesn't_ loves Tim. He just _pretend_ to love him so Tim won't kill himself.

_And God didn't that hurt?_

And when he woke up again his back was throbbing from pain and his face were washed with his tears.

Nobody cares about him.

And he passed out.

* * *

  
**Month ago:**

* * *

Tim woke up in his bed in his house in Gotham.

He felt like he slept _forever_.

As he got up he yawned and stretched out his hands.

He went to the take a shower and when he took his shirt off and looked at the mirror he almost _passed out_.

On his scalp were shapes he couldn't identify.

And his back looked torn.  
And there were also some shape that were fucking _burn_ there.

It looks like a grave stone. But it was tiny and he couldn't look at his back very good. Not even with the mirror.

It was supposed to hurt but it didn't.

And the worst part? He couldn't remember how he got them. Or when.

_What the hell happened to him?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And as the night came so did red robin.

It was a week since someone heard from or about Tim -or about red robin-.

It was obvious that he didn't wants to be found.

And Kon was afraid to go to Gotham and rightly so.  
He knows about the stack of Kryptonite the bats have.  
So he's really afraid.

And he don't wants to fight.  
He don't know what to do with Tim leaving or with how Cassie is hurt because she thought he and Tim broke up seven months ago.

And his plan to get them both failed. He did loved Tim more than a best friend but he also love Cassie as much. And he wanted to date them both until he will make them fall for each other and the three of them will be together.  
What could have gone wrong? Well apparently every- _fucking_ -thing.

But his mind couldn't stop telling him that he kind of abandoned Tim. He stopped going to dates with him and didn't cared what he did, and somehow Tim still loved him.

Actually, he wasn't sure now that he was even into boys. Or if he was into girls as well.

But it doesn't matter right now, he needs to tell Dick that Tim have a gun.

And he can't do it face to face.  
Because, well, the guy was batman.

So kon went on the old way and sent him a message:

He had a gun.

Ok maybe he needs to explain more.

I found him with a gun. To his head. And I don't know what happened that night but it happened because of you.

Dick still didn't saw the messages so Kon kept going

And I told him that you aren't healthy for him and I convinced him that he needs to live in the tower. With me. I told him that I love him more than a best friend and it wasn't lie! I did loved him that way I still dose.

And then he went with you, to a mission and came back last month, with scars that I know he have but he never let me saw them and I didn't exactly cared. But what the hell happened there? I'm pretty sure he got a tattoo on his back or somethin.

And the last event - _the event that hurt Tim so bad_ -:

And I texted him and not Cassie and only five minutes later I figured it was him so I deleted them but it was too late and I knew it.

And with that he turned off the phone and throw it on the sofa, Kin snuck down seconds after the phone and closed his eyes.

**_What the fuck did he did?_ **

_________________________________________________

  
Right now Tim is in a nice and cheap motel - _more cheap then nice but ok_ -.

He is laying down on the soft bed in the tiny bur warm room he got.  
His eyes are closed and some music is playing in his earphones, a soft smile was placed on his face.

The sun light is dim, almost gone. And then the night will come and so will red robin.

He have a case that involves creepy people, teenagers, kidnapping and of course, slaving.

But he worked must of the week on that case and got something like four hours of sleep. Pluse he knows where the traffic will be and when so he gave himself two hours of relaxing.

His clothes were back in his suitcase and the first thing he will do tomorrow morning will leave this motel.

And as the night came so did red robin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post it day after I posted chapter 4 but this chapter was deleted from some reason and now I founded it so..  
> Next chapter will have Dick and Jason response to the texts and what happened with the traffic (I don't know if I should do something nice or bad).


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the last thing he thought was 'Well I knew it was too easy'
> 
> And Tim was out.

Red robin waited to the creepy idiots half a hour.

The teens they took were in some black jeep that made him feel like he was in some movie.

And honestly it was too easy.

He got the teens out, kicked assess and called the cops.

And it wasn't even 3 am.

So he went through the little town and stopped an rape attamp.

Then he just set in the roof of the highest building, and he was even lower than the average building in Gotham.

He misses the others.  
He know he shouldn't but he does.

He got used to Damian telling him how horrible he is.  
Or to Jason calling him replacement.  
Or to Dick and Bruce's disappointed of him.

He got used to that and he misses it.  
How _fucked_ up is this?  
He misses everything that drew him away and made him sad.

And he didn't knew if he did the right thing.  
' _They probably mad at me because I should have just be more mature and ignore it_ '

Yes.  
He did the _wrong_ thing by thinking about _himself for once_.

He knows that for them to be happy is for him to be sad and if he's happy then they're probably sad.

He was wrong by letting them be sad.  
By letting him be happy.

Maybe he should call them, explain them that he's sorry.

But he _isn't_ sorry.  
No, he feel happy and that's wrong.  
But _why_?

He was once happy, why not now?

Well he still want to know if they're happy or sad, if they even found out that he left.

Did Alfred got the latter? Did they got them?

  
He wasn't sure if he wants to know.

No.

Not for now.

Now he's going to his motel room and getting his stuff ready to leave.

  
Yes, that what going to happen.

* * *

Dick's heart beat faster and faster as he reads the messages.

_Oh God._

_Oh God._

_Oh God._

_Oh **fucking** God!_

He read them again and again. And again.

And he was fucking _terrified_.

He was shaking from fear because his little brother held a _gun_ to his head.  
And that was because of _them_.  
Because of _him_.

And Tim didn't came to the mission, actually Dick texted him that Damian would help him instead.

And then Tim went silence and just last month Tim came back.

  
So where the hell he was?

  
And what scars?

  
God he's such a _bad brother._

"Big wing?" Dick looked up from his phone at a worried Jason.

Andwithout thinking he hugged Jason.

Jason gave it 15 seconds before he pushed Dick away

"Okay, now what happened?" And Dick gave his phone to Jason.

  
And the curses came after five seconds.

"We need to look in his apartment to see if he took the gun or..."

Jason nodded but for some reason he knew for sure that the gun was with Tim.

* * *

The hot water caressed his skin and the feeling was so nice that he stayed there until the hot water were cold.

He put on a hoodie and sweatpants and went to the bedroom.

The nice smell of sleep that were in the room was replaced with a horrible one.

One that somehow he _recognized_.

One that brought _pain_ to him.

And from some reason his back started to throb in pain.

And he was panicking now.

He got to his phone and dialed a number that he knew by heart.

And the smell grew.

So he didn't knew if he called because the next thing he saw was darkness and the last thing he thought was ' _Well I knew it was too easy_ '

And Tim was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote it in 4 am because I couldn't sleep🙂


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Dick knew he would regret this, but he nods and Jason opened the dairy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's torture and burning here. read on your own responsibility..

Alfred went to buy groceries, so when the phone rang Bruce was the one to answer.

"Wayne manor, how can we help?" He said with cheerful voice, Brucie's voice.

He waited a minute and the other line was still silence.  
It must be a prank.  
So he hung up.

* * *

They slips quietly in through Tim’s window, Jason's boots thumping down on the floor with a soft sound.

Must of Tim's stuff still were there. Including his computer and phone.

His clothes and coffee weren't there.

Jason was pretty amazed because the house was so neat and clean.

And Dick just looked at how much the place changed since the last time he was there (he was ashamed now because it was to fix his computer).

After two hours they went through all the things that Tim left behind they didn't found a gun.

But they did found _something_.

"Replac-Tim write a _diary_?" Jason asked and looked at the book that they found under the mattress.

The diary was tiny and dusty. It was black but the colour vanished a little. There was a bookmark almost in the end of the diary.

Curiosity crept into Jason and he almost opened the dairy but Dick stopped him.  
"You can't read that!" 

"Oh come on! He didn't took it with him, he probably forgot that it even exists" 

But Dick still didn't looked convinced so Jason said the only thing he knew would convinced him:

"Maybe he wrote there somewhere that he wanted to go to and ot could give us somewhere to starts looking"

And Dick knew he would regret this, but he nods and Jason opened the diary.

* * *

Tim woke up in a dark room.

His hands were tied to chains that were hanging from the ceiling.

Iron balls were tied to his legs and his knees were slightly bent by their weight.

His body was stretched because of the way his knees bent and because his hands were tied up.

His head was bent as well and hus mouth was gaged.

His hoodie was gone.

He tried to hear something, anything, but he couldn't.

  
He tried to see something but he didn't saw a damn thing.

He knew something was coming.

His mind was running.

His heart was pumping.

Something bad was going to happen and he knew it.

And when it came, it was bad.

He didn't even had time to think befor something cold was attached to his back.

No. It wasn't _cold_. It was _hot_. So much hot. Too hot. It was _fiery_.

He screamed and tried to get away but he couldn't even _shake_.

He couldn't breathe and he felt like his skin was melting away.

He shut his eyes close.

And tears were forming in his closed eyes.

He could feel the thing that was burning him moving on his skin and he couldn't do a damn thing.

And then he realised.

It already happened to him, but this time it wasn't shapes that were forming on his skin, it was letters.

His skin remembered it even if he didn't.

**_And why on earth would someone wants to fo this to him?_ **

He didn't got an answer because he passed out from pain.

But the pain didn't stopped, somehow it was even more painful.

 _All he wants is that everything would be over_.

He woke back to this pain.

 _Please make it stop_.

And passed out again.

And woke up again.

It was like that for hours, or days.  
He wasn't sure.

But every Goddamn time he closed or opened his eyes the pain was **_worse_**.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick was oddly silence and Jason understand him.  
> There are more pages but he couldn't read more.  
> It was too much.

The pages in the diary are folded slightly in corners, the first pages were slightly brown, which means that Tim probably owns the diary for a long time.

Tim's handwriting was smeared on the pages as if he were putting his hand on the pen's black ink right after he wrote.

At the first pages he wrote how happy he was that this time his parents didn't forgot about his birthday, and actually brought him a present:

' _It the must amazing thing that ever happened! mother and father came home to my 10 birthday! We didn't had cake together like in the movies when someone have birthday but they came! And father brought me a gift! Diary! Which is you! I don't know how to use it so I think I'll write here sometimes, is that okay? I hope so! Mother and father already gone, they went back to work but that's okay_ '

And it went like that for more two pages so Jason browse couple pages and well, Tim did wrote he will write sometimes, Jason just thought it would be more often.

Dick looked at the words and read out loud without thinking:

"Hey diary, sorry about forgetting you exists, but I have really good news! And well also some bad news but it good news!  
 _My hero, is alive! Jason is alive! He wasn't only Gotham's robin, he is my robin. And I'm so so so happy because of that! So happy that I don't mind him trying to kill me! I totally understand him and maybe if he won't kill me we could be friends. I would really like that_ "

At that Jason swallowed and felt ashamed, because well the kid liked him even if he tried to kill him.  
Tim wanted them to be _friends_.

**Friends** _**!** _

Dick must have felt that something changes because he took the diary and browse a few pages and he started reading again:

" _Dad died. I don't know what to think. At all. I just want to lay all day but I can't. But hey... Bruce adopted me so... Good news?_ "

Jason noticed the change from 'father' to 'dad'  
"He called him father and now he's dad?"

"Jack started to.. notice Tim"

"Oh."

They sat in silence couple minutes, just thinking. But Jason decided it was enough so he took back the diary and browse and he started to read out loud:

" _I had time to write but I don't know how to actually write what I feel. Kon and Bart are dead and I don't feel anything anymore, I'm not sad or happy or mad or anything, I'm just... empty. And everyone believe Bruce is dead but I know he's alive and I don't know how to make the others to believe me._  
 _And I don't think I have family anymore, Dick took robin. He gave robin to Damian, who tried to kill me.. I get it now, I let myself be happy and that what happens, I know now that I can't be happy.. and Jason was right, I don't belong with them but I have one last thing to do. Find Bruce, I owe him a lot and maybe I won't come back so it could be the last time I'll write here. I'm afraid to fail Bruce and that why I can't just try I need to succeed so goodbye diary. You are probably the only one left to believe me and you aren't even person. And well, I actually hope to die because of that. So... goodbye_ "

Dick was oddly silence and Jason understand him.  
There are more pages but he couldn't read more.  
It was too much.

So he closed thr diary and throw it on the floor next to him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was art for him.
> 
> The way Tim's body was shaking.
> 
> The way the boy tried to breath.
> 
> The way his tears roled from his eyes, leaving wet lines down his pale face.
> 
> The blood from the cuts on his body.
> 
> It was his masterpiece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's torture here.  
> read on your own responsibility.

It was art for him.

The way Tim's body was shaking.

The way the boy tried to breath.

The way his tears roled from his eyes, leaving wet lines down his pale face.

The blood from the cuts on his body.

It was his _masterpiece_.

And Tim tried to breath, but it was hard with his mouth gaged and the tigh chains against his chest.

It was even more hard when the cold water were spilled on him and he tried to cough but he couldn't and the cold made him shiver so hard.

That was definitely his _masterpiece_.

He loves how the tears roled down Tim's face when he tried to get away from the flames.

He was in love with the muffled screams as he electric Tim's brain.

And he **LOVE** the broken look in Tim's eyes.

And he enjoys the times when he took the gag out of Tim's mouth and pushed Tim's head back so he could drop the poison inside his mouth.

Just another drop of poison that slowly made Tim die.

Little by little. Every day.

He loves the dark room where he burnes Tim.

He loves the white room where he electric Tim.

He loves the simple bedroom that Tim got, the room where Tim is shaking and crying. Where Tim's soul broke because no one _cares_ about him.

And the broken look in Tim's eyes makes him the happiest person alive.

And right now he beats Tim to blood.

He could hear Tim begging him to stop and just kill him.

But that's his _masterpiece_.

He will take his time on that one and it's going to be _so. Fucking. Pretty_.

And the letters that he burned into Tim's skin made him feel the best.

And the blood under his hands made him smile.

 _He's so fucking happy_.

And just to break Tim a little bit more, just to see the fear in his eyes.

To make him know that he couldn't escape what he did.

To make him know it's all because of hin.

And just because he can.

He'll let Tim rest for the rest of the day.

And when he throw Tim into the dark bedroom Tim didn't even looked up, he just curled into himself and cried to sleep.  
Like a kicked puppy.

And he smiled to himself. Because he knows he'll break the boy.

And for now he went to take a shower.

The hot water run on his skin and cleaned Tim's blood from his hand, which made the water light pink for couple minutes.

He hummed softly while he put on his suit.

And then he went to eat.

The food was good like always and he couldn't help but smiling because Tim doesn't get any food and he get everything he wants.

Like it always ment to be.

Tim took everything from him so he'll break him until the boy will close his eyes and never open them again.

And he'll be able to let go.

For now at least.

___________________________________________

Tim woke up in unfamiliar room.

His hands were tie together, and so were his legs.

His hoodie was back and his long hair wasn't in his eyes.

He was on a brown sofa and someone was next to him.

The hair.

The eyes.

The sharp, white smile that bared teeth.

They were too familiar.

Tim gasped when he regonized the person who sat before him.

___________________________________________

His smile went sharper at Tim's gasp.

And he called him as the letters that he burned to his skin.  
  
  


"Hey **_replacement_** "


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim was smiling inside.

"Hey replacement" Jason said and smiled at the shock experience on Tim's face.

He was wining so why not tell Tim about what happens? It's not like he can do something.  
None of the others could.

"Wh- what the hell?" Tim's voice was full of surprise. Like he didn't expect Jason to break him.  
Well maybe he was in good relationship with the other him.

If he was. Well that just make everything even more fun.

"I'm not your Jason. Multiverse is real blah blah blah..." He said and waved his hand instead of continuing to explain about the multiverse.

Tim is smart boy, he'll get it if the poison didn't fogged his mind completely.

It's seems like he understood it because Tim looked at him, straight to the eyes, and something in his face said that he still have his mind.  
Jason smiled at that.

"I killed my own Tim. Oh I should have take a video of that. That was amazing!" He laughed. It sounds like the little humour that were in the laugh was forced and the darkness in the laugh made Tim shiver.

When the laugh died, multiverse Jason rubbed his hands one by the other and leaned comfortably on the sofa, dark smile on his face.

"Back to our matter, it wasn't enough to kill Tim. I wanted more, so I killed the Joker and the bid bad Bat the same way I killed Tim but..." He stopped a second to think about how to described it.

"It wasn't the same as break Tim. It didn't felt right. I needed, no, _need_ to kill every Tim that took the mental. Every replacement need to die. Need to be broken, and that's why I'm here."

Tim just blink at him, waiting for the rest. Jason knew better than telling him, but he was too much proud at what he did, what he _does._

"So I found out about the multiverse and I killed until now five Tims. Including mine it's six which means you're the seven, it a good number, you should be happy about that." And with that he smiled and Tim felt terrible nausea.

Jason knows he's going to win it.

But Tim is smart and he knows now what happens. So he'll find a way to make it look like this dark version of Jason winning but actually he'll lose.

Tim looked dark Jason in the eyes and looked broken as much as he could, which seemed to work because dark Jason smiles a winning smile.

And when Tim was back in his room and pretend to cry, a plan began to materialize in his head.

Tim was smiling inside.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He want to at least save one Tim and he will.

That was something he tried to do along time.

To get to the universe wher his Jason didn't killed this universe Tim. To get there in time.

And finally after five universes he did it.

But apparently Tim wasn't home.

Dick looked at the neat house that looked so similar to his Tim's home.  
And to all the others Tims, and it was also in the same olace so ut wasn't pretty hard to find the house and get in.

He looked at every thing there just to assure himself that this Tim didn't got kidnap.

And for now it's look fine.  
So why Tim wasn't home?  
He waited to him something like week and Tim still didn't came home.  
He knew for sure this Tim's alive but what if he got kidnap in a mission?

Dick don't want to think about that.

He want to at least save one Tim and he will.

He kept looking for anything that will say this Tim need some help.

But he found nothing.

' _It a good_ _sign_ _. It's_ _fine_ _._ ' he told himself while he set on the couch.

He isn't late, maybe it will be fine if he'll sleep.

Yes, it's okay he'll keep looking later, right now he need to sleep a bit or he maybe wouldn't be able to help this Tim.

And the couch is so much comfortable that all he needed to do was to close his eyes.

_____________________________________________

Dick wanted to look at Tim's house one more time. Maybe they missed something.

So he called Jason because he felt like he can't be there alone.  
The place himself seems like he hates Dick, so he had to have someone with him there.

It took them 15 minutes to get there after patrol so they were there at 03:42 AM.

And Dick froze as he got inside the house and saw someone sleeping on the couch.

Maybe Tim's home?

Dick heart beat faster at that thought.

And Jason moved closer to the couch and then froze.

He looked shocked and Dick thought that means Tim isn't in a good shape so he hurried there and froze.

The person that was sleeping on the couch wasn't Tim, it was actually Dick.

And just... he can't remember the words he needs to describe what he feels

"What the fuck"

' _Oh_ _yeah_ _,_ _thanks_ _Jay._ '

The words were too loud in the silence room and other Dick's eyes opened.

He saw Jason first and kicked him in the face.

Jason who didn't expect that put a hand on his nose and growled in pain.

"What the hell Dick number two?" He said in muffled voice because of his hand.

Ans then Dick number two notice Dick and his eyes were wide open.

"You aren't my Jason" he saif finally "sorry for that"

Jason and Dick number one looked at each other and than back at Dick number two.

"Umm hey, me? What the fuck is happening?"

And Dick number two looked at both of them.. and story time..

After he told them everything that happened to his Tim and five other Tims, and probably will happen to their Tim Jason looked so upset.  
Probably with himself, well other him.  
So he kept quiet.

But Dick number one didn't:  
"Tim was missing for six months, no one know what happened to him"

"You looked for him? Please tell me that you did, you don't want to know how many versions of us just... didn't notice Tim"

And wow, that hurts Dick. To know that there are versions of him that didn't notice Tim.. just loke him..

And just when Dick opened his mouth to answer Jason cut him:  
"We wouldn't be here if we weren't, right?"

Multiverse Dick nodded.

"I'll help you find him and before my Jason will kill him"


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because sometimes, to fight with fire you need fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's torture and burning here. read on your own responsibility..

Screams are an amazing thing.  
So _broken_ and _hopeless_.  
Jason loves them.  
 _So so much_.

Which is why Tim made him so mad right now.

He stopped scream two days ago.  
All the other kept scream untill the last breath. But no. This Tim stopped screaming and he is _still_ _breathing_.

Jason tried to make him scream in pain again and again, but no luck.

And now he has only one last thing to do with Tim.

And he'll enjoy it so much because Tim _will_ scream. And that will be fucking _music_ to his ears.

He takes Tim to the dark room.

He already burned ' **REPLACEMENT** ' on the grave stone he burned on Tim's back.

But who said that he couldn't burn more things?

He actually loves it.

The smell of burning human flesh was more amazing than the smell of a hamburger.

And the oh so red skin was magical for his eyes.

It was so _beautiful_.

And he's so going to enjoy this.

_____________________________________________

It was two days after they found other Dick, and they looked everywhere for Tim only to find his new car next to some cheap motel.  
All his things were in some room and no Tim or red robin around.  
So they thought that he was probably kidnapped.

"So" Jason said to Dick and Dick whom set in front of him.

He could distinguish between them because Dick from the other universe looked hopeless and his Dick looked hopeful.

"Where can we find other me?"

Hopeless Dick shaked his head and covered his face with his hands before answering with muffled voice: "I don't know, Jason always sends the bodies to the Dick in this universe, so it's really good if you didn't got any big packages lately."

Hopeful Dick whispered a quiet "No"

Hopeless Dick moved his hands from his face and Jason could see the idea sinking in his mind.

But before he could've asked anything hopeless Dick said:

"Dose you have here any abandoned building? Jason loves to build, and I once saw that he builded a lab in abandoned building, it was amazing and no one knew because the abandoned building was the perfect cover"

Well, that's makes sense.

"Yes we have millions of them" hopeful Dick said.

"We could check them all this day if we'll split"

Hopeful Dick looked like he was going to say something against it but hopeless Dick cut him.

"I think it's great idea Jay"

Jason smiled inside because he was called Jay. He didn't even knew why.

And they started to talk about who was going wher.

_____________________________________________

Two hours. _Two_. _Hours_.

Tim was Two hours under the flames and he still _didn't_ screamed.

Jason burned into his skin the word ' **PRETENDER** ' and Tim still didn't fucking screamed.

What the fuck is wrong with him?!

He was shaking so hard and he tried to get away from the flames but he didn't screamed.

Jason was going crazy because of that.

' ** _Why the fuck he don't scream?!_** '

_____________________________________________

It was two hours later and Jason was done with checking the buildings he needed to check.

No Tim or lunatic version of him.

He was going to scream if he wouldn't find Tim and well.. he didn't planned what he would do next. Maybe he will take trick from Dick and hug the hell out of the boy.

Yes, that sounds like a good plan.

_____________________________________________

Hopeful Dick didn't found Tim in any building.

And he wants to scream in frustration.

This whole thing was a little too much for him.

But he have one last building to check. And maybe Tim will be there. Not so fine but also not so harmed.

And he would be able to hug his little brother.

That's exactly what he wants to do.

And than they would have a nice talk and maybe Dick would ask him why the hell he got only 'Fuck you' on his fuck you latter. Not that he's mad about it.

...

Well maybe a bit.

But before he would even talk to Tim he needs to find him.

So he went in the direction of the only building he didn't checked.

_____________________________________________

Tim wants to scream.  
He really do.  
But he won't.

He needs to make Jason burn him so his plan would work.

He knows that he must likely won't get out there alive.

But who said he would let Jason keep kill anothers Tims?

So when Jason took him to the dark room and started burn him, Tim started to shake his hands.

Make them get closer and closer.

He wants to scream so much.

He feels the letters forming on his skin.

But he cant lose focus.

His hands now next to each other and he starts with the painful work: break his thumbs so he could get his hands out of the chains.

It didn't helped to his will not to scream, but he had a plan.

Jason didn't bothered to chain his legs so Tim didn't needed to get them out too. Which was good for him.

He didn't wasted a moment when his hands were free.

He turned to Jason, surprising him, and snatch the flames thrower from his hands.

Jason was so surprised that it made Tim smile.

Tim wasn't sure what happened next but Jason's face were badly burned and he was passed out.

Tim slumped out the dark room into a too bright halloway.

He shut his eyes because of the brightness and the flames thrower fell from his hands, rolling around and of course still working. Now everything around him was on fire.

And God he _hates_ fire now.

It blocked all of his ways and kept separating.

And of course with his luck, he couldn't breathe.

_____________________________________________

Hopeful Dick, hopeless Dick and Jason saw the smoke from the building.

Hopeless Dick was so close to there that he was running to the building direction.

The fire seems like it started from the inside, and it still didn't get to the front door.

And maybe hopeless Dick was too late.

Maybe this Tim saved himself and a lot more Tims by burning the building he and Jason were inside.

He didn't saved him.

_____________________________________________

Tim's hands were trembling while he tried to stand but he couldn't.

Just like he couldn't stop breathing the smoke.

His eyes closed and he crawled into himself.

Tears roled down his face and he coughed.

The smoke seems like he wants to hug Tim until Tim wouldn't breath.

And he already _**couldn't**_.

Tim knew he wouldn't be able to get out. So he just tried to relax his body.

And before he passed out, Tim's last thought was that after all, he isn't ready to die.

But he doesn’t exactly have a choice, does he?

Because sometimes, _to fight with fire you need fire._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end?

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's not the best but it will get better because I have so many ideas rn


End file.
